Grudges

I hadn't listened to The Adam Carolla Show in a long time and so I checked out their website for some podcasts and one of the podcasts caught my eye -- a discussion of a grudge between Dancing with the Stars contestant (and comedian) Jeffrey Ross and another comedian named Sal Iacono (aka "Cousin Sal" or Jimmy Kimmel's cousin). Here's what happened: right before the elimination stage of the dance contest, Ross's friend Sal sends a text message to Ross stating that Ross wasn't going to be eliminated from the contest that night. Sal supposedly has inside information b/c he works for The Jimmy Kimmel Show, a show that is on the same network as the dance show. Ross was ecstatic. He tells his dance partner Edyta Sliwinska that they're safe for another week. As it turns out, Sal was just playing a prank on Ross b/c Ross wasn't safe at all -- he was eliminated that night. Ross took it personally b/c he had been working hard to stay on the show and it meant a lot for him to stay. Ross felt like he was made a fool on national television. On the Carolla show, the host tried to see if he can make peace between Ross and Sal b/c the two are apparently no longer friends. Listen to the podcast here.

The situation made me think about grudges in general. I suppose there's maybe three ways a grudge could end. One possible resolution is that maybe the situation just calls for an apology and the two become friends again. Maybe an apology is all that Ross wants. I think the problem is that Sal doesn't think he did anything wrong. Sal himself says he has nothing to apologize for. That could be the issue: Ross wants an apology b/c he thinks Sal crossed the line. Until he gets one, Ross doesn't want anything to do with Sal. Ross himself said that Sal has to learn right from wrong.

Another resolution is that two people become friends again but only after enough time has passed. "Enough time" could range from weeks to maybe years. By that time, one or both parties will eventually let bygones be bygones and the two become friends again. That's what happened with Dennis Miller and Jay Leno. Miller was miffed at Leno during the "booking wars" on their talk shows and Miller stopped talking to Leno for several years because of what he thought were unfair practices by Leno. Miller eventually buried the hatchet when he was asked by an interviewer, "So a friend hurts your feelings and you're no longer friends with him?" Miller had an epiphany and realized that life's too short to hold a grudge. I'm just paraphrasing what I think Miller said. I can't remember the exact quote.

A grudge can also, well, never end -- the grudge continues ad infinitum ... the friendship ends, basically. This type of resolution, in some cases, may be the best case scenario. For instance, if the friend who has wronged you turns out to be someone who doesn't treat you with respect or if they're flakey or if they are more trouble than they're worth or if they're just plain insane (hehe), etc., oftentimes its best to just cut your losses and not have anything to do with that person. In other words, find better friends. Friends who seemed like they would be friends for life.... well, don't always turn out that way. Sometimes the friendship is unsalvageable even if the two friends had good times in the past. Sometimes its just best to walk away from those "friendships".

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